Do I have to play?

I do not enjoy playing with my children. You will not see me willingly getting on the floor and jumping in. Molly hands me a stuffed animal and I just stare at it.

“What do you want me to do with this?”

I had a great imagination as a child. I could take anything and in my mind turn it into anything. I got a thrill out of pretend play and spent hours driving my Little People in an ice cube tray that I had turned into a bus. I spread a blanket out and it was a swimming pool. I made up dances to my own music. I lived in many worlds and could be anyone I wanted to be. As I grew up, the magic disappeared and I moved on.

Now that I have a four year old and three year old, I am witnessing adventures to their grandparent’s house in a box. I watch the stuffed animals go to the mall. Puppies roam the living room and they let out shrill barks that would keep anyone knocking on our door. They bake cake and make slides out of couch cushions. They are full of curiosity, adventure, and creativity. But that doesn’t mean I want to join them. I am more than happy reading books and coloring with them in the sunroom. I enjoy taking them to the airport and watching airplanes. I take them shopping sometimes and go to fun places. But don’t expect to see me at the stuffed animal dance or wagging my butt and licking the floor. It’s not my style. If you want me to be completely honest, I would rather sit on the recliner and watch Orange is the New Black or mess around on instagram. I just can’t get into the playing. I have tried. And I have failed. It usually ends with a stuffed animal in my lap after five minutes as I stare blankly off at a wall. Or I mess up the order of something Spencer is doing, sending him into a fit. Apparently, I mess things up in Spencer’s eyes. So maybe it is best I sit on the recliner with the baby attached to a boob while calling family to tell them the same thing I tell them everyday.

For Mother’s Day, Molly filled out a questionnaire at preschool.

Q:What does your mom do best?

A: She sits on the recliner.

As I type this, I am sitting on the recliner. Blocks are being thrown around me and the baby has a piece of paper in his mouth. I posted a picture on instagram earlier and asked other mothers if they felt the same. Almost everyone of them did and there was comfort in the comments that I’m not the only one and a horrible person. I am pretty sure my children would rather me stay out of what they are doing. So for now I will. But i probably should grab the half eaten paper out of the baby's mouth.